Thursday, July 28, 2005

Catching up with (old) AGE?

My birthday is coming up soon, and with its impending arrival, all those philosphical thoughts firmly forced to the back of my mind are beginning insist that I pay them mind. Thoughts like where have the years gone by? I cannot believe I am this old and what have I achieved? And so on and so forth.

I am horrified by the realisation that if these were the bad old days, I would be a grandmother (that is if I had a daughter at 14, and she did the same of course). I have become a "nyakinywa", a matriach to the rest of the world, and consequently, I am becoming more like the boys on "Grumpy Old Men" as can be seen on BBC Two. I was shaken to find my head nodding in agreement with the likes of (Oh Dear God help me!!) Bob Geldof and his posse of middle-aged men as they complained about mobile phones, thongs, fast foods and the way the world is being ran.

So like the Nyakinywa I have become, I listing warning signs for all you bright young things to bear in mind when your times comes so that you can age gracefully (or not). It is not just the usual eyes going or aching back and knees, take that for granted, but things like fashions you wore a few decades ago that are now "dead trendy" say like miniskirts, bell-bottomed trousers and platform shoes (which contributed to the knee and back problem no doubt)

The list runs like this:
You know you are old if:

1. Instead of planning how you will "pull" that right tasty bloke, you start matching him up with your niece or next door neighbour's daughter (an "African niece" of course).
2. You see a young girl wearing a very short skirt and you are having to force yourself not to go and pull it down.
3. You do not have a date on Friday or Saturday. To be truthful you'd perfer not to go out on the weekends since you would rather rest up.
4. You want to leave the party early - because you want (yes you guessed it)to rest up.
5.Those children you carried on your back and whose diapers you changed have become your colleagues and confidantes
6. You start forecasting the weather through the various pains and aches in your knees
7. You are stuck on the last millenum's dance steps (who remembers the bump, the funky chicken or the hustle)?
8. The music you danced to back in the day (and is still fresh in your mind) is what is nowadays referred to as "Golden Oldies" or "Wazee Wakumbuka"
9. Like Tom Selleck in "Friends" who thought he was hanging with the guys but the guys thought he was the "most fun dad"!!
10. You start getting the names of your nieces and nephews mixed up and end up shouting all the names in the hopes that the one you want will answer you
11. The eyes are going, the ears and the knees
12. Horrors of horrors you have become your mother (or father)


Anonymous mshairi said...

This is very funny, Uaridi! very funny:)

7/28/2005 02:35:00 pm  
Blogger UARIDI said...

have to take a dig at myself before the young ones have the chance.

7/28/2005 04:46:00 pm  
Anonymous Mama JunkYard said...


Seeing as I have very few Aunties left in the blog world who have not dissed me, I shall not chokoza you about growing old.

Infact I shall go one further and say of all the aunties you are the youngest and best looking...

7/28/2005 06:18:00 pm  
Blogger UARIDI said...

You are right Mama Junkyard! And thanks for that. Knew you would like this one!!!

7/29/2005 09:32:00 am  
Blogger Blue Poet said...

Sigh! Welcome to the Final Frontier!!!
I couldn't agree with you more except on points no.1,2,3 and 5.
For a Man
You know age is catching up when

1.Your daughter comes up and greets that fine lass you and your friend were eying and you find out they are in school together.
2.What you have to offer the young girl wearing that hot mini is fatherly advice and not your phone number.
3. When business partners and fellow golfers take up 90% of your contacts on your cellphone- replacing the Marys, Janes and Susans.
4. When you start scrutinizing the boys coming home with your daughter
and looking for genetical defects.
5. If your phone rings after 9PM you are sure theres a death in the family or some sort of emergency- not your friends missing you at a party.
6. When you have a routine for Saturday and Sunday mornings.

Sigh x 4 Where's the silver lining?

7/29/2005 01:42:00 pm  
Blogger UARIDI said...

Thank you KK for the additions. Good to see from a man's point of view.

The silver lining is that we shall never have to go through the growing pains, painful crushes, embarassing moments again (and if we do just say it is uzee!!!).


7/29/2005 04:32:00 pm  
Blogger akiey said...

Am impressed you're taking all this change positively & with a ton of humour, not many people can do that.
Your list & KK's is hilarious & I'll take that as advise bcoz as much as I'd hate to stay young forever, I know it's cool to age gracefully.
Read somewhere that aches & pains irritate someone when they're young but they say as one gets older...waking up with aches & pain is a welcome reminder that one is still alive:)
Again, nice to have you blogging again & thanks for your nice comments on my blog:))

7/29/2005 09:57:00 pm  
Blogger Nyakehu said...

Spent a pleasant evening talking to my niece and nephew who are at that age of 13 and rolling up some mozos did they make fun of me. That is growing up well, it is my birthday on Sunday and I am looking forward to being another year older but where did the time go? Uaridi I laughed at this piece and enjoyed reading it.

7/29/2005 10:09:00 pm  
Blogger Omani said...

:)Happy birthday to you.This reminded me of a poem i came across a while back that i think you'll like "I’m Fine, Thank You!" on Have a good one!

8/03/2005 05:51:00 am  
Anonymous Wambui said...

Cannot stop laughing! Loved 10! Love your blog!
@MJY - aeeiiee! Si you just make friends now, eh? Hee hee!

8/03/2005 11:42:00 pm  
Blogger Poi said...

Like Tom Selleck in "Friends" who thought he was hanging with the guys but the guys thought he was the "most fun dad"!!
Hahhahaa Uaridi am laughing so hard! After a long night and morning this just did the trick!

Happy birthday in advance. Stya blessed!

8/04/2005 07:51:00 pm  
Blogger gishungwa said...

Your blog is a winner now that my birhtday is upcoming and am wondering what to do this year. Clearly am getting to the age where you are 24 forever. aging is good by the way nice list had me in stitches. KK once again you got me there.
keep it up

8/05/2005 09:15:00 am  
Blogger nick said...

hey there new aunty of mine-with me on ur nephew list trust me you will need to rest up!

8/05/2005 05:34:00 pm  
Anonymous Ms K said...

LMAO!!! Those two lists were hilarious!! Live strong guys, age aint nothing but a number y'all!!!

"When you have a routine for Saturday and Sunday mornings." Ti hi hi hi does sleeping in count?

8/14/2005 03:58:00 pm  
Blogger Guessaurus said...

Oh I love those two lists - now I also know where to go when I feel 'age' catching up with me. I am giggling at all that - and like Ms K on Sunday routines, does sleeping till you feel ashamed to still be in bed count? LOL

8/25/2005 02:57:00 pm  

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